[Warning: This is NOT about cookies and cupcakes ...]
Hello Beautiful Souls,
It's been more than a minute since I've shared some wisdom with you. This topic has been weighing on my mind for a while. Today I got the feeling that it needs to be discussed, more so than any other day. If it is for you, please know that your angel, God, spirit guide etc. wanted you to hear it: Today!
Who are Mothers:
We as humans have been programmed to make mother's into these mythical figures. We are taught that in church, relating mother to the Virgin Mary. Pure, nurturing, without fault, all loving, perfect.
This just isn't true and it is certainly not healthy.
Who Mothers are in reality:
Mother's are human beings. With fault, selfish at times, capable of wronging her children, not pure and not perfect.
Now, why is it important to make this clear and how can we start seeing mothers a different way.
First of all imagine your mother. She is a woman who either gave birth on purpose or by accident. She was either married or she wasn't. She was either happy about it or she wasn't. She was either ready or not.
Secondly, before she was a mother, she was a woman (or young woman). Before that she was a little girl. Before that she was a baby. Before that she was an embryo. Nothing about that is mythical. She's just like any other female, born as a baby, grew up, got pregnant and then became a mother.
Now, if we see her like that, we don't put her on a pedestal. The reason we should not put mothers on a pedestal is because when they fall off of it, it's devastating.
How Mothers might want to be viewed:
Some mothers want to be worshiped. Treated like queens, bowed down to, given special treatment by their partners, want to be adored by their sons, want to be the envy of their daughters. These are programmed ideas that we fall into. Some Mothers just want to be their child's friend. Others want to reign over their families like a dictator. All Mothers are not created equal.
Truth about Mothers:
Mothers are capable of lying, stealing, causing drama, pitting one child against another, picking favorites, being envious of her child's success, hating their daughter's youthful appearance, giving purposefully bad advice to sabotage her children, using her children against their father, saying hurtful things, convincing people to do things they shouldn't, gossiping, drinking, doing drugs while they're pregnant. I didn't say they do it, just that they are capable of it. Why? Because they are HUMAN!
Once we look at our mothers and ourselves as ordinary people, we will finally see the truth about ourselves as individuals. No one is mythical. Even when we become mothers.
Mother's Mistakes:
Now, women often have the ability to choose who they want to get pregnant by. How do they make this choice, by not using protection, dating the wrong guy, sleeping around, staying in bad relationships too long. This might sound cold. Well, why do children suffer? Why are children born into poverty? Because the mother was in poverty and she chose to bring a child into this world before she got OUT of poverty. That's it in a nutshell. If her lover, husband, booty call is a deadbeat then she shouldn't have kids from him. Period. If he treats her like dirt, what future is their for her children. As future mothers, we have to make better decisions about who we sleep with. When the father abandons the family, either because he was an alcoholic, too young to be a father, criminal or emotionally damaged, kids suffer the most. This could be avoided by the mother looking into the future and realistically seeing her life through clear glasses. Mothers have to make wiser decisions about who they want to be connected with for the rest of their lives. Once you have a child, you instantly have less money, more problems. If you haven't finished college or haven't gone, having a child makes that really difficult. Get yourself to a higher perch so when your kids come along, they will be up there too. If you are scraping by, barely making it, your kids will have the same fate. Only bring kids along for the ride, if the ride is smooth, that way they have a good chance of being happy and not suffering.
Momma's Boys:
Some mothers secure their space in their child's hearts by feeding them amazing food. Boys especially end up falling in love with their mothers because of this. When I say "falling in love" I mean it in a pure and innocent way, although I've seen cases where it is really twisted, but that's for another day. For boys, this is their first girl. They cling to her like glue, follow her around and then try to find someone just like her. A mother may object to this because she's also "fallen in love" with her son, and feels threatened by the new girl. She thinks she is going to be replaced, and she should be replaced ~ but she's already created this identity and doesn't want to let go. She might even try to make life pure hell for the new girlfriend, wife whatever. The son, usually blind to this fact, or feels helpless being caught in the middle, makes excuses for her behavior and let's his relationship die or finds a way to keep both happy. Mothers that do this most likely have a poor relationship with their husbands, and are seeking what's missing through their sons. The new wife tries to have children so she can compete for the son's affections and one up his mother.
Daughter-Mother Rivalry:
As a baby, a young girl is not a threat to her mother. Unless the only reason the father is around is because the mother had a child. The father may absolutely adore the daughter, but want nothing to do with the mother. Or he may not show her the same kind of affection as he does for his child, meaning she may see a softer side of him that she never could bring out. This breeds resentment in the mother. Yes, sure she used her child-bearing abilities to entrap the man, but it backfired - this happens a lot. In another case, the man might have met the mother when she was young, beautiful and attractive, but after childbirth she got fat, out of shape and matronly. His sexy goddess is now an old maid, but they may stay together anyway. As the daughter gets older, the mother sees herself in her daughter, remembers how things used to be and envies her. From here she could start making it a competition of who can get the father's attention. The father may worship the daughter, simply because he reminds her of how his wife/mother of his child used to be. It can be pure and innocent, but the mother will start to see the daughter as a rival, just like a younger mistress in the street. This is real and happens everyday.
Death of a Mother:
When mothers take care of you when you're sick, feed you, give you advice, love you ~ they are carving a huge space in your heart. When they die, there is a large hole that many people never recover from. Before this happens, we should stop looking at Mothers like these angelic figures. When we do this, we are permanently securing ourselves as babies. Yes, as a child, you need your mother because you cannot fend for yourself. As adults, you need to learn to live on your own because one day you will be without your mother. This is a fact. We need to look at our mothers realistically, as flawed human beings. Mentally, go back into childhood, see our mothers for who they are, a friend who is no more important than any other female, we just so happened to get deposited into her life versus someone else down the block. See her as a woman your own age, see her as a child, a baby, an imperfect person that is going to go through the course of life like everyone else. That way when she's gone, you don't have this huge hole in your heart. While she is here, we love having our hearts filled up with love for another person, but there is little room for love for yourself. We must accept our mother's death before it happens. Grieve before she leaves this Earth. That way when the time comes, it won't hit us so hard. You can say goodbye to her while she is still here. Know that your life will go on, and you will never be alone. Why?
Because the only true mother is Mother Earth. She will never die or leave us or do us wrong. She gives birth to all things, every day. She has no ulterior motive. She is pure and perfect. {{Love}}
~pluto~
