14 December, 2008

Emotionally Unavailable Men & Unrequited Love

I've been lucky enough to encounter several of these rare types. It was to learn a lesson and OH I got the message, loud and clear. I'm writing the second part of my Philosophy Book Series and here is an idea of what it contains:

I'm about to share with you why we attract these types of men and what to do about it.

Emotionally Unavailable Men are not actually emotionally unavailable, they are emotionally handicapped. They have emotions, just not the ones you're looking for. They may be passionate - about sports, cars, music, politics - just not about you. This is why ...

These men most likely have self-esteem issues. These issues are disguised by arrogance, bravado, shyness or plain ole apathy. They cannot give you what they don't have.

Imagine a bucket. Now, imagine pouring water into this bucket. Bucket is the heart, water is love. No matter how much water you pour into this bucket, in a short amount of time it is empty. You turn the bucket over and realize there is a hole in it. The hole is large or small. The size of the hole is determined by how much this person's self-esteem has been bruised over the years. Every time someone didn't love them, the hole got bigger. Every time someone rejected them and so on. If he is always in an empty state - meaning with an empty bucket - he has no love to give you. You can keep filling the bucket, but you will end up empty too.

Women have holes in their hearts too. They just give away the love they have before it seeps out, hoping to get it back in return. Men keep you around because you are so willing to empty yourself out for them. You keep giving, so they keep taking - what's the problem? The problem is your expectations of getting blood from a turnip. Then when you start demanding more commitment, more affection, more love - they usually withdraw, dump you or get angry. They don't understand why YOU don't understand that they are handicapped.

The point is, when you ask a man to love you - he has to have it to give. Men have many buckets - one for their friends, family, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, children, pets. He may treat his family like gold and you like shit. If this person has combined two or more buckets, you could be paying for things his father did, or his best friend etc.

Get to know your guy, his past, his relationships, his history. Figure out if his bucket has a big hole in it before you go pouring your soul in there. Imagine him to be a container of liquid - and imagine how full or empty it is. If he is not willing to patch up this hole, move on. You can't do it for him - trust me. Until he loves himself - he cannot love you. Until you love yourself enough to not give your soul to just anyone - and save your love for yourself - you will not attract someone of equal wholeness.

Two people with broken buckets are called half-souls. These types go out looking for someone to make them complete. A whole soul is someone who doesn't have a broken bucket. They don't need someone to make them feel loved, they love themselves. Two half people do not make a whole. One person will always drain the other, making their happiness 50% to 0%. A half soul and a whole soul - will be happy 50% to 75%. Two whole people are happy 100% of the time. Marriage does not create happiness. You need to be happy before you get married. Relationships don't make you happy, you need to be happy independent of the other person.

Seek to become a whole person and the love you give away will be replenished on its own, because you are a flowing fountain. You will be blessed to find another whole person because your vibrational energy would have shifted. {{Love}}